"But, crawling out for a moment from the shaky silt,
The swampy green creature
Slips me with a caring smile
The Great Orthographic Dictionary".
Alexander Ivanov,
parodist poet, late 1970s.
Last week, Putin dealt with issues of the Russian language — as part of promoting Russian national isolationism. Among other things, an idea arose from presidential advisor Elena Yampolskaya, author of the book "Hymn to a Real Bitch, or I'm My Only One", as well as a denunciation of the poet Vera Polozkova (what a variety of genres!), to teach Pushkin from the first grade to the eleventh. This idea did not cause objections, especially since the meeting seemed to be timed to the 226th anniversary of the classic's birth. However, as a result, the advisor played the historical role of "a rebel worse than Pugachev", since Pushkin's work is permeated with anti-despotic ideas and conclusions in the spirit of harmful foreign theories that place the law above the tsar. And this does not correspond to the latest trends in sovereign legal science, recently reported to the astonished public of the Legal Forum by Justice Minister Chuychenko.
Ban Holmes!
Almost everything here does not correspond to something. For example, the British Council is recognized as an undesirable organization, although it completely ceased its activities in Russia back in "pre-war" times. "The Council promotes British interests and values", which, of course, is not good, but it would be strange if the designated organization promoted the interests and values of the state of Burkina Faso. Moreover, it must be admitted, "the eternally young Englishman" has contributed something to the treasury of world civilization.
Since the language of hatred of vulgar Soviet journalism from the times of the fight against "cosmopolitans" has now come into fashion, each department uses a somewhat playful tone in explaining its actions. The prosecutor's offices followed this path, ironically noting that a politically neutralized organization, "financed by lords, peers, and other esquires", has been dealt with. This reminded of the well-known, but now somewhat forgotten statement by General Makashov, who thought he had sterilized all this foreign fraternity back in October 1993: "By the forces of the people, we took this damned city hall! And never again on our land will there be — neither mayors, nor peers, nor sirs, nor jerks!" (The last word, due to oversight by the authorities, is still not banned, unlike the system-forming and one of the main words in the Russian language, describing the general state of the state and society, namely "a...".) The decision stirred the people because, as it turned out, passing the English exam IELTS, important for the decreasing groups of promising and employable population leaving the Russian Federation, can now be equated with cooperation with the undesirable organization British Council.
Studying English in general, if you think about it, is a test of foreign influence. In this logic, Shakespeare and Conan Doyle should be banned, especially since Sherlock Holmes is a positive hero who uses drugs, and this is propaganda of banned substances (mention of drugs, as well as suicides, abortions, etc., publishers now recommend their authors to remove from manuscripts, otherwise the book goes with a label 18+, is wrapped in film, and costs 20% more). Not to mention that two gentlemen live in one apartment on Baker Street, and both, characteristically, are child-free at the time of the narrative. Considering Holmes's misogyny...
Pushkin 18+
Let's return, however, to the main trunk of our narrative, that is, let's move from the problems of the British version of English to the language of native aspens. Let's recall once again the word banned from use "a...", but only because its sound, like its extensive semantics, is indicated by ellipsis. This will require referring to Pushkin's legacy.
Just for example. "Gavriliada" was published in Soviet collections without any ellipses, but in the dark times of tsarism, for example, in the "Alcyone" edition with a foreword by Valery Bryusov, publishers deemed it possible to replace some words with dots. Essentially, it is to these traditional spiritual and moral values in the form of gaps in everything (words, history, etc.) that today's leadership calls us. Editions of "Gavriliada" were swept off the shelves in a few days, and the owners of the booklets carefully inscribed the shameful words into the shy ellipses with a thin pen. Among them was, for example, the word "pimp". The same method was used to fill in the most piquant place, where "I was given on the same day (these lines were left by the publishers, and the following were indicated by dots. — A. K.) / To the cunning one, the archangel, and god. / The Almighty God, as usual, then / Recognized the Jewish maiden's son as his own».
Yes, comrades from administrations, offices, and departments, this is reading 18+. At best, 11th grade — but this is by the criterion of sexual culture. After all, the state itself stimulates the birth of children even among 16-year-old schoolgirls, promising them good money for such "pranks". Here, as the very people often appealed to by the Kremlin's master say, "either take off the cross, or put on the panties". But by the political criterion — blasphemy — the text does not pass censorship.
What should advisors and the Ministry of Education do with the hooligan and dissident Pushkin? Perhaps limit themselves to "Lukomorye" and patriotic poems like "To the Slanderers of Russia", and set aside the main body from the inexperienced teenage eyes. Otherwise, there is also "A weak and cunning ruler, / A bald dandy, an enemy of labor, / Accidentally warmed by glory, / Ruled over us then»; and "At first, these conspiracies / Between Lafite and Clicquot / Were just friendly disputes»; and "Tyrants of the world! tremble! / And you, take courage and heed, / Rise, fallen slaves!»; and "Misfortune's faithful sister, / Hope in the gloomy dungeon / Will awaken vigor and joy»; and "Graze, peaceful peoples! / The call of honor will not awaken you. / Why do herds need the gifts of freedom? / They should be slaughtered or shorn».
Pure theory of regimes and sociology of dictatorships. Tolstoy's Leo Nikolaevich was not mentioned, but what generally contradicts everything in today's state policy is the work of the count.
One would like to leave that memorable meeting, where Putin smiled strainedly and routinely called to remove the Latin alphabet (advice: one should think about signs in Chinese, because our current masters speak it, or return to the even more traditional Glagolitic), because all this bores him, and "movement" (dvizhukha) of such a scale is too small. But it is impossible to tear away from this gathering and not express bewilderment for a seemingly minor reason.
Presidential Advisor Elena Yampolskaya presented the layout of the future "Primer". Photo: kremlin.ru
Mrs. Yampolskaya demonstrated to the leader the layout of the "Primer" (the letters on the cover, however, are so creatively rethought that a child might not make them out), joyfully reporting that as part of positive changes in the Russian language, the textbook will no longer be called "Azbuka". But "azbuka" is an originally Russian word. Vladimir Ivanovich Dal, although he was ethnically Danish, like some Russian traditional spiritual and moral reigning persons (not counting the Germans), but compiled a universally recognized dictionary. And it is written there in Russian: "alphabet, abevega, old. bukvitsa". The word "primer" is found within the dictionary entry "Letter": "azbuka". There is no harm in renaming, after all, I personally started my acquaintance with all, as another poet said, "er and el of the native language" from such a blue "Primer" in September 1972, but why report this event as a great victory of Russian arms?
Thunderstorm in Early May
It did not go without a new ideological banner. Now Tyutchev is declared our everything, and preparation for his anniversary in 2028 is declared a matter of state importance. And here is something you can't argue with in the advisor's (or adviser's — according to new trends?) speech, it's with her wonderfully honest statement:
"...I am sure that all researchers and keepers of Tyutchev's legacy, who are watching our broadcast now, have already rushed to make proposals for the plan of future anniversary events...»
Of course, they rushed. And not only keepers, but all guardians in the face of political technologists. What kind of money is this!
And then the advisor moved on to a topic we have already studied in this note, and which excites the minds of the aforementioned guardians and law enforcement officers — the plot of the "Anglo-Saxons" (in connection with the temporary friendship with the USA, it means Great Britain). Tyutchev and "the Englishwoman is messing things up" intertwined bizarrely:
"...There is no dispute, serfdom is, of course, ugly. But maybe we should tell for the sake of the whole picture how free workers lived in England at the same time? The same Tyutchev quoted an unbiased opinion that in the United Kingdom there are at least a million people who would benefit greatly if they were exiled to Siberia...»
There are countries whose citizens were indeed exiled to Siberia, and now their memorial places are being destroyed by vandals with the connivance of the authorities. As for serfdom, why "there is no dispute". There is. Serfdom is our bond. The benefits of serfdom were discussed relatively recently by the Chairman of the Constitutional Court Valery Zorkin. So this topic is yet to be revisited.
And to those keepers-guardians who have already rushed to draw up business plans for Fyodor Ivanovich's anniversary, it should be reminded that he is not only the ideologically suitable "you can't measure with a common yardstick" or the lyrical "I love a thunderstorm in early May", but also the poetic exposition of the most important Putin ideological concept "Russia has no borders". The poet asks the question: where are the borders of the Russian kingdom? And he himself answers:
"...From the Nile to the Neva, from the Elbe to China,
From the Volga to the Euphrates, from the Ganges to the Danube...
Here is the Russian kingdom... and it will not pass away forever,
As the Spirit foresaw and Daniel predicted...»
I recommend the reference office (a non-Russian word, by the way) to insert it into the next presidential message. And for clarity, try on the map Tyutchev's geopolitical fantasies.
PS, or "Petson Smokes in the Corridor"
What is called, "when the issue was being put together". Mrs. advisor recommends adults to read children's books at night. Here came another news from the "This-cannot-be" section: the "White Crow" publishing house, which has delighted all my children and now grandchildren with the books of the brilliant Swedish artist and writer Sven Nordqvist about the eccentric farm recluse Petson and the kitten Findus, was forced to withdraw "Fox Hunt", "Petson Goes Camping", "Petson is Sad", "Cooking with Petson and Findus" from sale. The reason: the translator of the books — Alexandra Polivanova from "Memorial" is declared a foreign agent. This is indeed excellent children's literature. But soon the gentlemen advisors will cancel Carlson, a typical quadrobear and child-free, spreading alien unfriendly Swedish values. And the translator of "Carlson" Lilia Lungina was associated with many thinking Soviet people, including dissidents, and this is now considered as undermining the foundations: the Putin regime, imposing Stalinism, knows how to take retrospective revenge.
You understand yourselves, gentlemen chiefs, what you are doing, turning the country simultaneously into a theater of the absurd and a one-man show? As L. N. Tolstoy wrote in 1904: "Think again!"
*Andrey Kolesnikov is considered a "foreign agent" by the Ministry of Justice of the Russian Federation.