The Zav’yalovsky District Court of Udmurtia found Talanov guilty under the article on the dissemination of military «fakes» on the grounds of «political hatred» and sentenced him to seven years in a general regime colony and a four-year ban on administering websites. The human rights project «First Department»* published Dmitry Talanov's final words in court.
«Your Honor, in my final words I want to say a few words about love and hatred. The prosecutor asked for me — for a few words on the internet — 12 years in prison. This is a very generous fee. And also, when I serve these 12 years, to deprive me for four years of the right to hold leadership positions in the legal system.
It seems to me that the latter — is clearly unnecessary. In Russia, people do not live so long, especially in prison and especially with my health. I am 64 years old, and it is quite difficult to imagine that I will be able to leave the zone alive, at almost 80 years old, and even after that want to lead the legal profession.
So, I think that the latter was said by the prosecutor for amusement. As for the 12 years in the zone, it would be simpler to just pronounce «life imprisonment» or «death penalty». Whatever one prefers. I am not trying to scare. Sometimes it seems to me that today it is not at all scary to die, today it is scary to live. But it is necessary to live, I am sure of this, it is necessary to live.
The craft of criminal defense, to which I have dedicated my entire conscious life, has accustomed me to the thought that punishment requires a crime. Well, or at least a delusion that a person has committed a crime. And it is completely impossible for me to imagine that someone could be in such a delusion regarding me.
This seems completely incredible to me, because I am accused of hatred. Good and evil, hatred and compassion, these are too different categories to simply take and confuse them. This does not happen.
I generally think that the ability to distinguish between good and evil — this is the only thing given to a person in direct sensation. Everything else is achieved through personal human experience, living life. Everything else requires life experience. But this — is an original gift. Original does not mean free. By accepting this gift, you may find yourself not at all where you would like to be. Approximately this happened to me.
What to say about this? After all, this is also a question of moral human choice. I am told that I wrote these few words out of hatred. What a great feeling of hatred it must be if it drives you not to kill someone, but to go with sympathy to the dying in prison. Well, of course, I could not, after all, not assume that all this could end for me as it ended.
Once, a long time ago, I watched a very good movie. There the pastor said to his parishioner: don't you think that when a person forgives himself, it means that God has forgiven him. I have lived a fairly long life, I have made many mistakes, and it is definitely difficult for me to forgive myself for all these mistakes. But I think that God or one's own human conscience, which is probably the same thing, brings a person to places like mine not so much «for», but «for what».
I even think that most likely this «for what» simply does not exist in life. God is merciful enough. No, simply: God is merciful, God is not vengeful.
So «for what»! I have been in prison for two and a half years. I have been in solitary confinement for two years. These two years in a destroyed medieval cell, where the only amenities of civilization are a toilet and a sink with continuously running water. Plus, there are holes in the wall above the door, a speaker is mounted there, broadcasting instructions for the use of the individual rescue device «Chance-2» — something like a gas mask — how to put it on and how to use it. For some reason, the same points of the internal rules of the isolator are read. And for some reason, they are read, apparently, by an actor with some enthusiastic voice. Well, and probably the most disgusting, the most terrible — is «Radio Vanya». However, this can be spoken about in my case in the past tense, since I managed to persuade my «guardians» to turn off the speaker. Sometimes mercy knocks on their harsh hearts. They did it, they turned off the speaker, I am now in silence.
At 10 o'clock in the evening, the anthem plays. I lie down on my... how not to use the word that is practiced here... it is officially called a bunk. I lie down on my bunk, close my eyes, and try to sleep. Sometimes I manage to do this for a maximum of two to three hours. So all two years.
At six o'clock [in the morning] the anthem plays again. I need to get up, quickly make the bed. In fact, day and night in the pre-trial detention center are not much different for me. It is some kind of continuous, very monotonous stream of consciousness and thoughts. Thoughts are like dreams, dreams are like thoughts. So 24 hours a day, so two and a half years.
You can't escape from these thoughts. These thoughts, going in circles, maybe even one or two thoughts, they just kill you. Time generally kills a person, but in the isolator, you feel it not as a metaphor, but as a purely physical process.
It is a physical process. Brodsky once said that «prison — is a lack of space compensated by an excess of time». This phrase was not completely clear to me. I did not understand it. I am sure that none of you understand it completely, because in this situation, it is not the lack of space that is frightening, but the excess of time. This is the time in which you suffer and the time that kills you. Every minute kills, and every minute there is equal to an hour.
That's for sure. This excess of time is felt there in some geometric progression. Sometimes I also think, how about others who are held in this isolator, is it as hard for them as it is for me? Or not as hard? I mean those others who have really committed an ordinary crime — killed, raped, stole. Is it easier or harder for them? I am talking about people who know «for what».
So the day goes by. But sometimes there are some special things, like suddenly being shouted at in a terrible voice: stand up! Line up at the window! Hands behind your back! Stand up! This means that either someone from the prosecutor's office is entering, or a member of the public monitoring commission, or the ombudsman for human rights. Except for these «entertainments», everything is routine.
But in this 24-hour daily marathon, there is a special time. It is nine o'clock in the evening. My speaker was turned off, but there is an iron door leading to the corridor — prodol in our terms — in front of the iron door — an iron cage. If you come close and press your ear to this iron cage, you can hear what is being said on the speakers in other cells.
Why do I talk about nine o'clock? At nine o'clock the news begins. And this news is broadcast on the program «Solovyov Live». I would never have believed, three years ago, that I would listen carefully every evening for five minutes to the internet company «Solovyov Live». But I do. The thing is, I am waiting for words about the peace that has come. These words are not there.
They are not there. But just recently I heard that the essence of what is happening — is the establishment of a «new, more just world order», in which the «interests of the world's majority» will be taken into account and guaranteed. Well, yes, the world is bursting at the seams, but I just don't know what this «new, more just world order» is. I don't know what «the interests of the world's majority» are.
It is enough for me to know what Dostoevsky's character, Ivan Karamazov, meant when he said that he refuses to accept the brightest and most perfect world harmony if it is bought with «the tear of one single tortured child». And that he respectfully returns the «ticket» to such harmony. It is enough for me that in front of my eyes for two and a half years is a photograph of a girl with torn-off legs from my criminal case. I do not believe in any harmony, in any world order built on such suffering. I do not believe.
You know, I am sure that what I feel is not called hatred. It is not hatred. Your Honor, dear Denis Alexandrovich [Metelyagin], no one can enter a solitary cell, stay there for two and a half years, and remain the same. Something in me has definitely changed. I think that a lot of unnecessary things have fallen off me. Maybe, probably, I have become a step or half a step closer to that forgiveness that the preacher from the film spoke about.
It is necessary to continue living. It seems Goethe said: «He who knows «why», can endure almost any «how» (this is a quote from Friedrich Nietzsche. — Note «First Department»). I know why. The girl in the photograph smiles. Her smile remains a source of strength and love for me.
Now the last and, perhaps, the most important. In the final word, people often ask for forgiveness. I also want to ask for it.
Driven by one form of compassion or another, by one urgent need or another, a person commits an act. Sometimes this is quite a human act, but another has to pay for this act. The one who loves this person. Therefore, in the final word, I address my wife. Olga, forgive me. I love you.
If it's too emotional, I'll say this: Olya, if you are ever imprisoned for 12 years for something, I will wait for you. Don't be upset».
* Recognized in Russia as a «foreign agent».